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There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Everytime they made love the husband always insisted on shutting of the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down, and saw her husband holding a battery operated leisure device.....A VIBRATOR!!!! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic "You impotent BASTARD!!" She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy......you explain the kids."
--------------------
An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm telling everybody!
--------------------
YES LITTLE JOHNNY IS AT IT AGAIN.....
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.
Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Rob used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
--------------------
The young kindergarten teacher had just instructed her charges to come forward
as their names were called and be prepared to draw something on the blackboard
that had been the cause of excitement in their homes during the previous week.
One by one the pupils came forward and sketched such items as report cards,
television sets, mothers' new hats, and the like. When it came time for Johnny, the
class cutup, to comply with the assignment, however, he walked to the board and
simply made two white dots before returning to his seat. Suspecting that he was
up to one of his usual pranks, the teacher advised Johnny that he had better he
able to explain why those two dots were exciting if he didn't want to be kept after
school. "Well," said Johnny, "the other day you told us that those dots are also
called periods-" "That's correct," the teacher interrupted. "But what could possibly
be exciting about two periods?" "Beats me," replied Johnny. "But that's how many
my older sister says she's missed, and it's causing an awful lot of excitement
around our house!"
--------------------
Two blondes went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a
camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without
the camel.
The man who had rented them the camel was very upset and screamed,
"Where is my camel?"
They replied, "Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing
people say, 'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally
we got off to take a look and the damn camel ran away."
--------------------
Hope you like them! Sent to me on one of my Yahoo groups and thought I`d share..releive the tedium of the day and all that!
Love,
Chris
xxxx
xxxx
********************************************************************
My Webpage
********************************************************************
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy......you explain the kids."
--------------------
An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm telling everybody!
--------------------
YES LITTLE JOHNNY IS AT IT AGAIN.....
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.
Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Rob used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
--------------------
The young kindergarten teacher had just instructed her charges to come forward
as their names were called and be prepared to draw something on the blackboard
that had been the cause of excitement in their homes during the previous week.
One by one the pupils came forward and sketched such items as report cards,
television sets, mothers' new hats, and the like. When it came time for Johnny, the
class cutup, to comply with the assignment, however, he walked to the board and
simply made two white dots before returning to his seat. Suspecting that he was
up to one of his usual pranks, the teacher advised Johnny that he had better he
able to explain why those two dots were exciting if he didn't want to be kept after
school. "Well," said Johnny, "the other day you told us that those dots are also
called periods-" "That's correct," the teacher interrupted. "But what could possibly
be exciting about two periods?" "Beats me," replied Johnny. "But that's how many
my older sister says she's missed, and it's causing an awful lot of excitement
around our house!"
--------------------
Two blondes went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a
camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without
the camel.
The man who had rented them the camel was very upset and screamed,
"Where is my camel?"
They replied, "Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing
people say, 'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally
we got off to take a look and the damn camel ran away."
--------------------
Hope you like them! Sent to me on one of my Yahoo groups and thought I`d share..releive the tedium of the day and all that!Love,
Chris
xxxx
xxxx
********************************************************************
My Webpage
********************************************************************
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